Top Ten signs that a baseball player is getting too old.

Top Ten signs that a baseball player is getting too old, courtesy of David Letterman.

10) Gets winded putting on his socks
9) Hard slide into second triggers life-alert pendant
8) While playing outfield, yells at teamates to get the hell off his lawn
7) When buying performance-enhancing drugs, gets the AARP discount
6) Claims he killed President McKinley with a line drive
5) Often begins sentences, "As Shoeless Joe Jackson once told me..."
4) He's almost as old as the hot dogs -- seriously, have you ever eaten one of those things?
3) Lost part of his career fighting in World War I
2) During interviews, he thanks the Lord and the makers of super Poligrip
1) When he's in the on-deck circle, asks bat boy, "What did I come in here for?"


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